How I am Learning to be Single


for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Phil 4:11b

Happy Friday Southernistas and also Happy February 1st! There is nothing like starting the weekend off in a new month!

When I was thinking about content for this week’s blog I was trying to decided what I wanted to talk about regarding fashion and style but the I felt the prompted to talk about something I’m not comfortable talking about…my singleness especially in February. My martial status is something I try not to think about mostly because I’ve spent a lot of time and energy thinking about my martial status. The closer I get to 50 (I’ll be 48 this year) the more aware I am of the fact that I am still single and I mean single never been married single. I always thought that by now I would be married for a number of years and provided my daughter with siblings.

Then I realized last year that although I am single I never really learned how to be single I mean your status is single when you come into the world but then as we get older and discover the opposite sex we feel the pressure to be coupled up with someone. I remember desperately wanting a boyfriend all though high school and college (not one date in college) especially when you see everyone all lovey dovey. The month of February was torture for me but I had friends that made it bearable. Except for one brief relationship in my 20s I have been very, very, very single and for most of this time I have been very sad, lonely, and depressed about being single.

The number of times I cried on my best friend shoulder about being single are too many to count! The times I’ve spent in prayer asking God why am I still single again too many to count. My Pastor and First Lady encouraged me that it would happen for me but it just seemed that every year it never happened. One year at my church it seemed like all I did was announce upcoming nuptials! To encourage myself I would ready 1 Corinthians 7 to remind myself the benefits of being single versus being married.

I look back over those years and realize now that I wasn’t ready for a real relationship. I was needy, desperate and was looking for someone to fulfill all my emotional needs. I had a lot of baggage that needed to be unpacked and dealt with. I also realize now that I wanted to be a relationship so I could say I was in a relationship so I was more committed and in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

Then last year it happened! No I didn’t meet a man but I realized that I had to learn how to be single. I had to learn to truly appreciate being single and being happy with my state until God changes my status. I had to learn that I can go out by myself and shop, eat, visit museums and enjoy my own company. Also I also realize how great it is to have the freedom to come and go as I please without having to consider someone else. My spending choices are mine alone. Most importantly this is the time when you can really focus on God and really seek Him.

As I was thinking about what to say the latter part verse 11 from Philippians chapter 4 came to me in this last chapter the Apostle Paul is encouraging the Philippians to rejoice, not to worry and if you do what to think on to ease the worry, and then he begins to let them know that he has experienced different circumstances the one thing he has learned is to be content. Now I want say I’m content with being single but I am learning to be content. I am learning that my life is not dependent on having a man in my life but it is dependent on having Jesus in my life!

Yes I am still single but the difference now is that I am waiting for that someone that is right for me and not doing anymore is moping around discontent and depressed because I don’t have someone in my life. I know longer dread February 14th. I am learning in this phase of my life to be single and content and that has made all the difference.

Until next time Southernistas Be Bold, Be Beautiful, Be Confident!

Dress from Eloquii x Draper James Collection (no longer available) | Shoes from Payless

December 29, 2013

Hello Southernistas! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Hard to believe that 2018 is almost over and 2019 is almost here! I know it’s been a while since I blogged but I just wanted to enjoy the holiday season. It was my plan to start 2019 off with a new blog but a few months ago this date popped in my mind and I couldn’t get away from it no matter how hard I tried. I knew it was the Holy Spirit prompting me to share with you why this date has special meaning. I hope as you read this you find encouragement, that it strengthens your walk with Jesus (if you have a relationship), that it leads you to a relationship with Jesus, and that it will help you to realize you are not alone.

2013 was not an easy year for me at all I was living in a one bedroom apartment and everyday I came home to an empty apartment was depressing. I always felt like I lived such a solitary life at that time. I remember waking up every morning with a feeling of hopelessness and I just didn’t know how to handle what I was feeling. These are not feelings that just suddenly came up I had been dealing with depression for years but it was now so crippling I could barely function. I remember going to church and feeling nothing, praying and feeling nothing, it seemed like I was just going through the motions of my life but I wasn’t living.

I was in a really bad car accident early in the year and thank God he brought me, my Mom, and my niece out alive. I was sued for an large sum of money I didn’t have and so I had to give a deposition and go back to the city the accident happened for a mediation and God was on my side and delivered me from that situation but I was still so sad. I spent that whole year putting on a mask while I sat at home and cried my heart out.

When December arrived I had had enough of this life and I had made the decision to end my life. I had really good reasons, at least to me, for taking this step. Life had just gotten so hard and although I have a loving family, a loving Church, and friends I felt so alone and isolated. I believed that if I died no one would miss me and my daughter is an adult now and she doesn’t need me. I’m single and over 40 and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried nothing was working out in my life. At that time these reasons seems valid. I remember wanting to talk to someone but couldn’t because there were no words there were only tears. I remember how abandoned I felt by God and that this was as good as it was going to get.

I remember getting up that Sunday so sad and getting ready for church. I remember the feeling of finality that Sunday and after church I felt like I was seeing everyone for the last time. I laughed, I smiled, I said my I love yous to my Pastor & my Assistant Pastor. I remember hugging everyone because I was saying good bye to them for one last time. When my mother dropped me at home I remember looking at her and thinking this is the last time I will see my her beautiful smiling face. I said good by to my daughter although she didn’t realize it at the time because again I had on the mask.

That evening I got out the bottle of pills I had and looked around my sad little apartment. Just when I was getting ready to take the pills I heard a voice and I know it was the voice of God and that voice spoke one word and that word was…LIVE! In that moment I knew that I wanted to live that I didn’t want to die that no matter how my life was it was still worth living. I begin to just sob my heart out and with every tear that fell I knew God was doing something inside. I don’t remember how long I stood there sobbing but I do remember after while flushing those pills down the toilet going on my knees and crying out to Jesus and He reached out to me and touched me and healed me.

Sometimes life gets so hard for us and it becomes unbearable but I encourage you who are reading this blog to seek help don’t try to go it alone like I did. Seeking help is not admitting you’re weak or that you don’t have a strong faith in God it means that you are strong enough to realize you can’t do it on your own. It means that you realize that how you are feeling is not how you want to fee. There is nothing wrong with getting professional help.

That was 5 years ago today and I am still single but in these 5 years I’ve learned how to be single, I moved back in with my Mom, and life is good! I think about all I would have missed if I had ignored God’s voice calling me to live and not die.

December 29, 2013 was suppose to be the day I died but it became the day I lived and I have never looked back.

Dress from Eloquii (red sold out), Shoes from Payless Shoe Source

Until next time Southernistas…LIVE!

25 Years Later

Hello Southernistas! I hope y’all are having a great weekend so far.

Last week I went to Homecoming at my alma mater, Campbell University, and it was my 25 year class reunion. OMG! I can’t believe it’s been 25 years since I walked across the stage and received my degree! Where oh where has the time gone?!

It was good to go back to the Creek again (Campbell is located in Buies Creek) and see how the campus has changed. To say there has been a lot of change is an understatement. The dorm I lived in my sophomore and junior year no longer stands and in Kitchen’s place will be the new Student Union. With Kitchen’s demolition there are no more dorms located on the quad anymore and it was a little bittersweet. Where the Office of Admission use to be there is now an auditorium.

New Student Union going up where I use to live

The Office Admission use to be here and behind was Off Campus Student housing

Going back to Campbell and seeing all the changes that have taken place made me think about the changes that I’ve gone through over these last few years. My time at Campbell was wonderful in so many ways: I served in Student Government all 4 years, I was politically active, and I made some life long friendships but I was also very depressed. There were times when I just couldn’t face the day but I forced myself to get up and go to class and wear the I’m okay mask. I remember once I was so depressed I just couldn’t get out of bed thank God for Beth & John who got me out of bed and got me the help I needed! They were my life line and they still are to this day. So were Donna, Allen, Derrick, Leanne, Sharon, Monica, and many others who will never know how much their genuine friendship meant to that girl.

So going back to Campbell to see classmates I haven’t seen in 25 years except on social media was exciting. I missed my 10 year and 20 year class reunion and I was determined not to miss my 25 year class reunion and I’m glad this is the reunion I didn’t miss. I’m not the same Regina I was 25 years ago back then I was not just depressed but I had no self esteem and I was desperate to be liked so I became a people pleaser and I was constantly on a diet. I was criticized about my hair and clothes and although I was told it was done from a place of love the ones who did the critiquing tore pieces from my soul and destroyed what little self esteem I had.

I remember crying and pleading with David, the Junior Class President, to please let me skip the Homecoming dance because 1. I didn’t have a date (not one date the whole 4 years), 2. I had nothing to wear, and 3. I just couldn’t face the event but David was firm but gentle with me and reminded me as one of the Junior Class representatives it was was mandatory that I attend. Again thank God for Leanne and Nicole who held my hands through this and we all went together as each others dates. Plus size fashion back then was not what it is today. My mom and I spent the weekend before Homecoming running all over Durham trying to find formal dress for me to wear and we ended up settling for a black and white dress we found in the bridal department at Belks and then I had to diet and exercise like crazy to loose almost 10lbs so I could wear the dress comfortably. Needless to say I had a miserable time at the Homecoming Dance.

Fast forward 25 years later when I stepped on campus the memories, good and bad, flooded me but it was still great to be on campus and to see some of my classmates and professors. It was good to know within myself that I was no longer the people pleasing, low self esteem, no self confidence woman I was then.

Alicia is still just as sweet as ever! Great to see Dr. Martin, Dr. Fortner, and Dr. Johnson

It was great to see the changes that had taken place and to see the growth that has happened since I left Buies Creek in 1993. Campbell and I have a lot in common in that respect we have both grown and changed in these 25 years for Campbell where there were parking lots, dorms, and open spaces they have now been replaced with new dorms, new programs and schools, new green spaces, traffic circles (still no traffic light), a Starbucks, a little strip mall, and old buildings have been renovated. For me I am no longer that insecure, no self esteem, lonely girl who was so desperate to be liked and loved by people who could care less about her that I would do just about anything for their acceptance. I have grown into a confident woman who now realizes that the most important person I must please is Jesus. I’ve learned how to be a friend and how to make friends. I’ve learned that I am a pretty awesome and cool woman but most importantly I learned to love myself, love life, and appreciate the people who loved me when I was at my lowest and worst point in my life.

As my best friend Lisa Bruckschen once told me and I agree in 25 years I’ve come a long way baby!

Dress from Lane Bryant (old), Denim Jacket from Dia & Co, Pocketbook from Payless Shoes (old) Booties from Just Fab (old)

Until next time Southernistas remember to Be Bold, Be Fearless, Be Confidant!

Being Fearless

Hey Y’all! It’s My BIRTHDAY!

When I think about how much time I spent letting fear of what people think of me hold me back from living my life I could kick myself…hard! I allowed fear to rule my life way too long. Fear of what I would look like if I wore that color or that print or those pants. Fear of people laughing at me over my looks, my hair, you name it I thought about it got scared and decided I can’t wear that or do that because what will they think of me. They?! Who are they anyway? They are small minded petty people who get enjoyment out of making your life miserable because they are miserable. We spend way too much time letting fear rule our lives when the only fear we should have is the reverent fear of God the creator of heaven and earth. I decided that this is what I wanted to talk about in this blog after hearing the new song Fear Is a Liarby christian artist Zach Williams and the line in the song that really hit home for me was “fear he is a liar, he will take your breath, stop you in your steps” fear does all this and so much more. Fear will cause you to miss out on some of the greatest opportunities, great relationships, and the worst of all it will stop you from living . Fear robs us of so much! As I celebrate my 47th year on this earth the one thing I really celebrate is that I let go of all those fears that I allowed to rule my life. I’ve squashed those negative voices that were so loud in my head for a lot of my life. I’ve decided to be fearless in my approach to fashion. I now take those fashion risks.

Dress from Stitch Fix, Shoes from Eloquii Photos by Wykala Moore

Leggings and Clutch from Dia & Co, Blouse from Stitch Fix, Duster from Lane Bryant, Shoes from Payless,

This is not to say I never have moments of doubt or that those fears have gone completely away I would be lying. What I am saying is that when those fears and doubts, the negative thoughts raises their ugly head I’ve learned to combat them with all the positives in my life. I look in the mirror I see a beautiful and confidant woman who God loves. I am precious in His sight and I don’t have to be a certain size to earn the Father’s love. He has blessed me with a wonderful family, an awesome church family (shout out to AHOD), a really awesome Pastor and Assistant Pastor who has encouraged and supported me in the new phase of my life. It’s all because of Jesus who has made me fearless.

As I celebrate my birthday I encourage you today to conquer whatever that fear is that is holding you back. Wear that dress in that color, print, or pattern that you always wanted to wear but didn’t because someone said “it’s cute but it’s really not you” or “it would look good on you if you lost ____lbs.” Love yourself now.

As the great Rosalind Russell said in the movie Auntie Mame “life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” So Be Fearless!

Dress from Ashley Stewart (sold out) Photo by Wykala Moore