Hello Southernistas! I know it has been a while since I posted anything fashion related! To be honest I’ve been a litte stumped about what I wanted to talk about. There is so much happening in fashion and I can’t really narrow down what I want to talk about or what brand I want to talk about so for this post I want to encourage and empower you.
For a long time I couldn’t accept a compliment I mean I literally couldn’t say thank you when someone complimented me and I’m not just talking about fashion related compliments. I was bullied all through my youth and whenever someone would give me a compliment it was always a back handed compliment you know the type where it’s really an insult and not a compliment. I got a lot of that’s cute what you wearing but it would look better fill in the blank and don’t get me started on the ones about my overall looks and hair. I had gotten so used to all the “compliments” really being a way to insult me and tear down my already fragile self esteem until I had absolutely no self esteem. Trust me when I say southern women are masters of the backhand compliment I think it’s in our DNA.
So it goes without saying that I took all the negativity and internalized it and believed it and it became impossible for me to take a compliment without looking for insult embedded inside the compliment. When I begin this wonderful journey of self confidence, self esteem, self worth, and self love almost ten years ago the one thing I had to learn was how to take a genuine compliment from people. One of the ways I learned was from a romance novel I read in which the hero said to the heroine “when someone gives you a compliment just smile and say thank you and don’t put yourself down” basically he was saying take the compliment! I decided to apply that little piece of advice to myself and smile and say thank you. I also got thick skinned!
I find it is much easier to give compliments then receive them and I believe that is the case for many of us and especially for plus size people who are constantly dealing with backhand compliments. Accepting a compliment or complimenting yourself doesn’t mean you’re arrogant or a narcissist. There is nothing wrong with giving or receiving a compliment and don’t let anyone say there is because when you refuse a compliment you insult the person who is genuinely complimenting you.
What I realized is that the majority of people are being genuine when they compliment my clothes, hair, or the job I do and for those who are not I still turn them smile and say thank you and it is amazing how just doing that will disarm someone. I also know that for every genuine compliment you are still going to get those backhanded ones and while you can’t control what people say you do how power over how you receive it. I’ve had my share of those that were meant to dull my sparkle and my response to them is usually “thank you I love this outfit too I felt so fierce when I walked out the house this morning!” I’ve literally seen them deflate in front of me and walk away looking so confused.
If you are struggling to receive compliments do this simple exercise every day: every morning before you leave the house look at yourself in the mirror preferably a full length mirror and give yourself one compliment doesn’t matter what you compliment maybe your hair is looking like it should be on a shampoo commercial, or those shoes are fierce, our make up is perfect, that smile is gorgeous whatever it is smile at yourself in the mirror and compliment you! Keep doing it until you get comfortable complimenting you and then when you leave the house and someone stops you and say I love fill in the blank you will just smile and say thank you!
Just this week a man was driving by and stopped to compliment me on this dress I was wearing and I smiled, said thank you and then kept it moving!
So I want to encourage you to take the compliment and don’t let anyone dull your sparkle!
Until next time! Take the compliment!
Regina the Southernista 